Delaying smartphones works best when we do it together

If your child is in Year 5 or 6, the smartphone conversation has probably already started in your house. If it hasn't, it will soon.

Ofcom's 2026 figures show smartphone ownership jumps from 56% at age 10 to 83% at age 11. The move to secondary school is the single biggest change in a child's digital life. So for most of us, the question isn't whether our child will ask. It's what we'll say when they tell us everyone else has one.

Last year, when our youngest was in Year 5, my husband and a couple of like-minded parents started a group for parents in his year. My husband wrote a one-page shared agreement: no full smartphone until Year 8, no social media until Year 10 or 11, and if a phone is needed sooner, one that does calls and texts. It's voluntary, there's no pressure, and it rests on one simple idea. It's much easier to hold the line when you're not the only one holding it.

There was another reason, too: group chats. They feel strangely anonymous, even when everyone knows exactly who's in them. There's no face to watch fall, no adult nearby, no pause to think better of it. So children say things in a group chat that they would never say to someone's face. Psychologists call this the online disinhibition effect. It's how unkindness starts, how it spreads to the whole group in seconds, and how it turns into bullying. And it's the part of a phone parents can't see.

This summer, some new research landed suggesting we were right about doing it together.

What the new research found

In July 2026, economist Gregory Veramendi published a paper through the Institute for Fiscal Studies looking at the Smartphone Free Childhood Parent Pact. That's the pledge where families agree not to give their child a smartphone before 14, or social media before 16.

He looked at 329 English primary schools where at least a fifth of families had signed the pact, and compared them with similar schools where hardly anyone had. Similar meaning matched on earlier mental health levels, how affluent the area was, and school size.

In the schools where lots of parents signed, the number of pupils recorded as having social, emotional and mental health needs fell by around 8%.

That's not a small thing. It's children who, on paper at least, needed less support.

Why "together" is the most important word here

The pact is not one family making a brave decision on their own. It's a group of families agreeing to hold the same line at the same time.

That matters because the thing that stops most of us delaying isn't the phone. It's the fear of our child being the only one without one. Left out of the group chat. Missing the plans. Being the odd one out at exactly the age when fitting in feels like everything.

When a fifth of the families in a school sign up, "but everyone else has one" stops being true. The pressure on each individual family drops. And it seems the whole year group benefits, not just the children whose parents signed.

You don't need a national campaign to do this. Our group is a WhatsApp chat and a one-page agreement. What matters is enough families in the same year agreeing to the same thing, early enough that it's the norm rather than the exception.

It's also worth being clear that this is about delaying ownership, not banning phones during the school day. Those are two different things, and it's the first one this study looked at.

A note of caution

I want to be honest about what this research is and isn't.

It hasn't been peer reviewed yet. And it measures which parents signed a pledge, not how much children actually used phones. Professor Candice Odgers, who researches young people and technology, pointed out that it "does not actually measure whether the students had lower smartphone use." Families who sign a pact like this may also be different in other ways.

So it's a strong signal, not proof. But it's the first study of its kind, it's UK schools, and it points in the same direction as what a lot of parents and teachers are already seeing.

Where ADHD comes in

This post isn't specifically an ADHD post. But I can't read research like this without thinking about the children and families I work with, and my own.

Phones are built for the brain that finds it hardest to stop. Apps are designed around novelty, reward and "just one more". ADHD brains are especially drawn to instant rewards and find it harder to put something down once they've started. A July 2026 study in BMC Psychology found that adolescents with ADHD had higher rates of problematic internet and social media use than their peers, with impulsivity as the consistent thread. Interestingly, what mattered most wasn't hours on the screen. It was loss of control, and the impact on everyday life.

Heavy use can make inattention look even worse. A well-known 2018 study in JAMA followed teenagers for two years and found those using digital media most heavily were more likely to develop ADHD-like symptoms. The link was modest, and it doesn't show that phones cause ADHD. They absolutely don't. But when attention, sleep and restlessness are already a struggle, a phone can make them so much harder, and make it harder to see what's really going on.

Group chats land harder. Many young people with ADHD also feel rejection and criticism more intensely than their friends. A group chat at 10pm, a message left on read, a photo from a party they weren't invited to. For a child who already feels "too much" or "not enough", that can stay with them long after the phone is put down. It works the other way too. A child who acts on impulse can send something in the heat of the moment that they'd never say out loud, and then it's there in writing for everyone to see.

Sleep is already fragile. Lots of children with ADHD find it hard to switch off at night. A phone in the bedroom rarely helps.

And here's the part I find most important. Children with ADHD are already more likely to experience peer rejection. Being the only child without a phone is one more way of standing out. That's exactly why doing this together matters even more for them. A group of families holding the same line means no child has to carry that on their own.

What delaying doesn't mean

It doesn't mean no phone. A basic phone for calls and texts can give a child the independence of getting the bus or walking to a friend's, without the apps and the endless scroll. Some young people with ADHD genuinely benefit from alarms and reminders, and there are simpler ways to give them that.

A locked-down smartphone isn't always the easy middle ground. Children are remarkably good at getting round parental controls, and once the apps are on the device, every day becomes a negotiation about them. It's easier when there's nothing to say no to. For a child who struggles with impulse control, and a parent who's already tired of negotiating, that matters.

It doesn't mean forever. The national pact is about 14. Ours is Year 8. Neither is about 18.

It doesn't mean judging anyone who's already said yes. Every family is working with what they know, and it's never too late to have a different conversation.

If you'd like to do something

• Talk to other parents in your child's year, ideally in Year 5. By Year 6 the tipping point is close, and by Year 7 it has usually passed.
• Have a look at the Smartphone Free Childhood Parent Pact, or write your own. Ours is one page.
• Decide what a first phone is actually for. Calls and texts to get home safely is a very different device from a smartphone with apps.
• Keep phones out of bedrooms at night, whatever age your child is.
• If your child has ADHD, start with the why. Explain what these apps are designed to do and how their brain responds to them. Involve them in the plan rather than just announcing it. Children who understand the reason are far more likely to go along with it.

This isn't about perfect parenting. It's about not having to make a hard decision on your own. That's why we started our group, and it's why this research made me so glad we did.

If you're a parent in Year 5 or 6 thinking about this, find the other parents in your child's year. You may be surprised how many of them are thinking the same thing.

Sources

• Veramendi, G. (2026). Smartphones and children's mental health. Institute for Fiscal Studies working paper, July 2026. Not yet peer reviewed.
• Ofcom (21 May 2026). Younger phone owners, the rise of AI, and consumption over creation: our latest look at UK children's media lives.
• Altun Varmış, D., Binokay, H., Güneş, S., Yüksekkaya, C., Yüce Antepüzümü, E. G., Çiloğulları, E., Atay, G., Şefik, P. & İnce, N. (2026). Problematic digital use in adolescents with ADHD: impulsivity, obsessive-compulsive symptoms, and perceived cognitive flexibility. BMC Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-026-05200-2
• Suler, J. (2004). The online disinhibition effect. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 7(3), 321-326.
• Ra, C. K. et al. (2018). Association of digital media use with subsequent symptoms of ADHD among adolescents. JAMA, 320(3), 255-263.
• Smartphone Free Childhood Parent Pact: smartphonefreechildhood.org