Might my child have ADHD?
If something feels harder than it should and you can't shake the feeling that you're missing something - this is a calm place to start. Not to label your child, but to understand them.
A calm way to make sense of what you're seeing and find your next step - this isn't a diagnosis.
First, an honest note
This page won't tell you whether your child has ADHD.
Only a proper assessment can do that. What it can do is help you make sense of what you're seeing, ease the guilt, and show you where to go next. I'm an ADHD coach, not a clinician - my job is to help you understand and cope, not to diagnose.
What you might be noticing
None of these on their own mean ADHD. But if several feel familiar, and they're persistent rather than occasional, it can be worth exploring. Think patterns, not a checklist.
Always miles away
Dreamy, distracted, somewhere else - hard to reach even when you're right there.
Bright but stuck
Clearly capable, but starting feels impossible. It looks like laziness. It isn't.
Big reactions
Emotions that seem far bigger than the moment that set them off.
Forgets in seconds
The kit, the homework, the instruction you gave ten seconds ago.
Brilliant then lost
Great at some things, completely at sea in others - with little in between.
Fine at school, falls apart at home
Holding it together all day, then unravelling the moment they're back with you.
Why some children get missed for years
The same brain can look completely different from one child to the next - and the quieter version is the one that slips through.
More likely to be noticed
The version that's hard to miss in a classroom.
- Acts out and pushes back
- Disrupts the class
- Can't sit still
- Gets sent to the head teacher
- Assessed sooner
More likely to be missed
Frequently girls - but not only girls.
- Masks and people-pleases
- Perfectionism driven by fear, not confidence
- Anxiety with no clear cause
- Holds it together at school, then melts down or shuts down at home
- Intense self-criticism: "I'm stupid", "my brain is broken"
The school often sees a different child from the one you live with. Both are real - the home version just shows the cost. When school doesn't see what you see explains why, and what to do about it.
Hyperactivity you can't see
Hyperactivity isn't always physical. Many children sit perfectly still while their brain runs at full speed - racing thoughts, songs on a loop, unable to switch off at night, zoned out while quietly overwhelmed. It's exhausting, and it's one of the main reasons a child can be missed for years.
What to do next
Whatever this turns out to be, none of it has to wait for a label. Here's where to start.
Keep a short log
Two to three weeks: what happened, when, what set it off, what helped. Patterns become clear- and it's gold in every conversation with school and professionals.
Talk to the school SENCO
You don't need a diagnosis for them to help. A few openers that work well:"I've been noticing [X] at home - is that showing up at school?""Can we put anything in place while we wait?""Who would be involved in a referral?"
Start strategies now
Visual schedules and checklists, breaking tasks into tiny steps, body doubling for homework, warnings before transitions - and learning what actually motivates their specific brain.
Go to your GP
If you want to get the ball rolling, you can ask for an ADHD assessment referral. It's worth mentioning Right to Choose: an NHS-funded assessment with an approved provider, usually a far shorter wait than standard CAMHS.
The thing to hold onto
If you take nothing else from this page
You don't have to work this out alone
If you'd like a calm, no-pressure conversation about what's going on for your family and where to go next, book a free 30-minute consultation.
Book your free consultationAbby Parkes ADHD Coaching & Support · adhdcoachingandsupport.co.uk