When they need to come back to now
Simple grounding ideas to use alongside your child, grouped by what's actually happening in the moment.
Grounding first. Talking later.
When feelings flood, the thinking part of the brain goes offline. That's why reasoning, reassurance and “just calm down” don't land in the moment. Grounding gives their nervous system something solid and simple to hold onto, so they can find their way back. The conversation can wait until they have.
What to offer, depending on what's happening
These are invitations, not instructions. Offer one, do it with them, and let it go if it doesn't land.
When their thoughts are spiralling
The same worry on a loop, "what if" after "what if", a brain that won't switch off.
Give the brain a job. Count back from 100 in sevens together, or take turns naming an animal for every letter of the alphabet. It's hard to spiral and do sums at the same time.
Describe the room out loud. Start it off yourself: "The wall behind me is white. There's a blue mug on the table." Leave a gap and let them join in if they want to.
Sing or say something they know by heart. A song, a football chant, a poem from primary school. Familiar words take less effort than new ones.
Save the what-ifs for later. "That's a real worry. Let's come back to it once your body's calmer." Then keep your promise and do come back to it.
When everything is too much
Noise, light, people, questions. Hands over ears, snapping, needing to get out.
Take them somewhere quieter. The car, the garden, their room, a corner away from the crowd. Less coming in means less to process.
Hand them something cold to hold. An ice cube, a cold can, a cool flannel on the back of the neck. Cold is quick and very hard to ignore.
Offer weight and pressure. A heavy blanket, a hoodie with the hood up, a firm hug if they want one, or pressing palms together hard for a count of ten.
Try 5-4-3-2-1 on the way down. Once the worst has passed, noticing five things they can see, four they can touch and so on can bring them back into the room. There's more on this in When big feelings take over.
When they've shut down
Gone quiet, flat, hood up, not answering. Not rude, just overwhelmed.
Sit alongside, not opposite. Be in the same room, doing something ordinary. No questions. Your calm presence does more than words right now.
Bring a warm drink and leave it with them. Hot chocolate, tea, warm milk. Holding something warm is soothing, and there's nothing they have to say back.
Put something in their hands. A fidget, a soft toy, a textured cushion, the dog. Touch can reach them when talking can't.
Say the calm words for them. Quietly, once, without needing an answer: "You're safe. This feeling will pass. I'm right here." Put some calming music on low if that's something they like.
When it's rejection or shame
Left out, told off, a message that stung. "Everyone hates me." "I'm so stupid."
Name it, gently. "That really hurt." Naming the feeling helps it settle. Save the "I'm sure they didn't mean it" for later, if at all.
Bring them back to their feet. "Can you feel your feet on the floor? Push down into it with me." Slow breathing while feeling the ground under them.
Offer words they can borrow. "This moment feels big, but I can handle it." "My feelings are real, and they will pass." Say them first, so they don't have to find the words.
Talk it through later, not now. Once they're calmer, you can look at what actually happened together. Not while it still feels like the end of the world.
If the rejection is what's driving it, there's more in Navigating rejection sensitivity.
If in doubt, move
ADHD brains are very sensory, so body-based grounding often works fastest. For a lot of young people, being asked to sit still and breathe makes things worse, not better. Walk with them, not at them. Slow heel-then-toe steps, a stretch, pressing their feet hard into the ground, or a lap of the garden can do more than any number of words.
One to do together
Find their three
Grounding is much easier to reach for when it's already familiar. A child in the middle of a storm can't learn something new, but they can use something they've practised.
1. Try a few when things are calm. In the car, on a walk, at bedtime. Keep it light, like trying on shoes: "Does the cold one do anything for you? What about counting?"
2. Let them pick three. Their choice, not yours. The ones that work for one child can do nothing for another, and a young person is far more likely to use something they chose.
3. Agree a signal. A word, a phrase or a gesture that means "let's do one of ours". It saves having to explain anything when words are hard to reach.
Write the three down somewhere they can see them, like the fridge or their phone notes. Then, next time things start to build, all you need is the signal.
For you too
The most powerful grounding tool your child has is a calm adult nearby. Their nervous system takes its cue from yours, so when you slow down, lower your voice and stay steady, they have something to settle against. This is called co-regulation.
You don't have to feel calm, just look calm enough. It's worth finding your own three as well, and using them first.
If staying steady feels hard at the moment, have a look at Parent self-care and regulation.
The one thing to hold onto
You can't talk them out of it. You can help them come back to now, and talk once they're here.
Where to go next
When big feelings take over
What's happening in a meltdown, and how to help them reset.
Meltdown response plan
A print-for-the-fridge plan for the moment it all kicks off.
Navigating rejection sensitivity (RSD)
Why rejection hits so hard, and what helps.
Grounding techniques for ADHD
The longer read: why these techniques work for ADHD brains.
You don't have to work this out alone
I work with young people and support parents who are trying to make sense of how their child's brain works, including the big feelings that so often come with ADHD. Grounding isn't a replacement for therapy or medication, and I'm a coach, not a clinician. What I can do is help you understand what you're seeing and find what works for your family.
If you're worried about your child's safety, wellbeing or mental health, please speak to your GP.
Abby Parkes ADHD Coaching & Support · adhdcoachingandsupport.co.uk